As of late, I've started to dwell on the past and it's made me recall something; an event that I wish to share. It is something that helped shape who I was and who I am. I can't remember the exact details so bear with me.
(cue flashback effects)
In grammar school I was an interesting anomaly though most didn't see it that way. You had to have the best clothes, the best shoes (Jordan's or BK's were really in) and you had to play basketball. If you were into (computers, videogames, comic books, cartoons) you were not a popular person.
I was amongst the unpopular. I was an outcast. Me and my friends could have been the cast of Freaks and Geeks. Now since I was amongst the geek crowd, that tended to leave me alone most of the time. Girls absolutely, positively did not like me. I have to admit that I wasn't very charismatic back then. I was actually pretty boring back then. I was a sweet person with a kind soul, and very affectionate but I was definitely boring.
One day I asked my good friend Amber to hook me up with a friend of hers. I wasn't very picky but at the time why should I have been. A geek with no options in those days would have pretty much went for anything. (Watch Revenge Of The Nerds if you haven't seen it) Now Amber was cool in so many ways. She wasn't a girly girl and she was popular, but she was still a good friend to those not of the popular caste. She hooked me up with a friend of hers with the only means popular and available at the time. Number exchange (no facebook, no email, no text, just a phone number). I can't remember this girls name, but I remember the situation. Numbers were exchanged on Friday and we immediately started talking. We talked for the ENTIRE weekend. I mean we were hitting it off, and that was good. I was allowed to play to my strengths, which is really good conversation and I was (and remain) a pretty charming guy. To make a long story short; we agreed to meet on Monday, which I was so excited about. We didn't know what each other looked like, but we knew what each other would be wearing. So there I was confident and waiting for what would be a moment of triumph. I was wearing a black bears jacket, and I forgot what she would be wearing. The time came and when we were supposed to meet, she took one look at me and kept walking.
It should have rained that day, because at that moment I knew exactly how it felt to be a loser. Never had I felt so low. Even after we had talked and talked and really started to like each other, she looked at me, saw a geek and then ignored me and kept walking.
I took it personally for a very long time.
I had been rejected before, but I could understand why. Two famous examples are Ms. Sonja Lacaze and Vanisha Harris...two girls I had big time crushes on. They never went for me, but it was okay. Girls were like that, and I couldn't take it personally. They didn't know the real me, the sensitive, sweet and devoted me. They just saw the exterior me and back then there wasn't a whole lot to that. This experience shook me to the core. It wasn't like in the movies where the girl still went for the unpopular guy. No this was real world. They talk and talk and they meet and because he isn't cool he still gets shot down. This event haunted me and shook my courage for a very long time. I was afraid of life and wouldn't risk anything for the sake of the heart wrenching. Rejection the monkey that kept pulling my hair and biting me. I couldn't escape it.
I still haven't completely recovered from it, as the lingering effects are still there, but I have overcome a large portion of it. I have been able to make headway into my own psychosis, and at least remove most of the damage. I can proudly say that I am a father of two former backyard wrestler, screenwriter, street racer, mechanic and film maker.
The whole point of this was to share some of me with you and to show you how the past can be an important factor in who we become. Some of us come from pasts worse than mine, but still even a bad past can be recovered from. Never let what happened to you then hinder you from what happens now. The past is a guide post in our lives. A guide post that we past (lol) a long time ago. It is supposed to teach us something valuable that we should never forget. The past is a big part of what we are now. Don't let a bad past ruin you. Instead use it as a pole to vault your way higher.. Let it serve you like a butler, let it motivate you to replace that tragic past with an awesome future.
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