#140 A Broken Man (Future Uncertain)

After four long years, I have reached a point where I can no longer stand up anymore.  I've tried, and tried and tried, and it's gotten me further than I thought, but not far enough to go any place that I need to go.  My unemployment insurance has run it's course.  I will no longer receive any more benefits.  In these four years it isn't like I was sitting down on my ass.  It's not like I didn't try to do anything to help my situation.  I've looked for work, I've tried to hustle, I've increased my knowledge, I've tried to market my book, I've tried just about anything I could think of, to extend my time a little bit further and help contribute both to my own needs as well as the needs of my family.  Nothing has worked for me and I am past the point of being defeated.  I now have no means of income; period.  I have no money, no income, nothing.  I am more in the red than I was before.  The little bit of money that I did get helped a lot, and now without it, I am left here virtually penniless.

There are no savings, no assets, nothing that I can use to stay afloat.  I am in the middle of the sea with only a piece of wood and a deflating life preserver.

It's not like I didn't do what I could to help my situation move in the right direction.  I've increased my knowledge of things ten fold in hopes that it could help.  I took some risk that I thought would lead me more to success than to failure.  I did all of this while looking for work.  Even though I was against working a nine to five, I was still willing to do it, for the sake of me and my family.

I've played over a hundred contest, in hopes of winning, I've auctioned off stuff, I've even tried couponing with a good friend to help cut down expenses, but expenses are still expenses when you don't have any money.  I am at my wits end.  Pushed to the brink of madness and depression.

When things like this hit me, I just want to lash out at the world, but my enemies are both invisible and intangible.  There is nothing to hit, nothing to strike, and the only thing I am left with is a room with me in it, standing in the middle lost and confused.

I really don't know where I will go from here.  I don't know that I will go on.  This could be the sunrise or the sunset.

I don't know anymore.