12 January 2020

Self/Analysis.exe

I'm not unique in that I keep something of a journal.  Have done so since I was 16.  It's good to see where you were once focused or how the small things didn't really pan-out.  The things that were of critical importance to me as a teen, now but the longest and furthest of memories and yet they still exist as fragments.  Bits and pieces here and there to capture thoughts of who and what I once was.

I am not he, but he exists within me.

I've become an interesting fellow as of late.  Well past recognizing my flaws and cognizant in their effects on my life.  I see a lot of the same behaviors from teen me.  Before Nytmaer was Nytmaer.  Still the subtle truths are there.  I was/am a person who does not like change and yet I am also a person who pursues knowledge and new experiences.  I know, I'm an oddity.  Like a person who hates spicy flavor but signs up for volunteer ghost pepper challenges on the weekends.  I'm that type of guy.

As I get older, I start thinking how important my journal is in saving a version of me, or even the me my children can look back upon.

All of it is data in the stream of consciousness.  One day I won't be here, and it is my most sincere hope that I will leave some part of my actual self behind.   

I think about that a lot now days.  Leaving a copy of my digital self behind.  It was always a notion of sci-fi, and I never gave it much thought until I started getting older.  Wanting to help guide the clan of Brack to greater horizons.  Leading the future of Brack generations as a revered elder.  I'm probably not going to do that in my own living body.  

It's not possible now, at least not that we know of, but maybe if I can get a machine learning algo, to read all my journal and writing entries and blog posts, who knows.  We may one day see that Nytmaer Simulacron.

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