Random thoughts into 2021

 I'm rather tired of making these bullshit posts every year.  Every year it's the same old thing; being a rat trying to get the cheese, but it seems like I'm never any closer.  Covid-19 and 2020 as a whole would have been a complete and total shitshow if not for what it revealed.  Both of those showed many of us about the world we thought we knew.  

Nothing is the same anymore.  We can't go back to a world of blissful ignorance, because we've seen the truth laid bare before us.

So, since we can't go back, we must reflect on what we've lost and move forward.

It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to decide to make the changes necessary to bring my life in order.  It was time I got serious.

Even knowing this, accepting that I'd have to put some things behind felt as heart wrenching as Bing Bong fading away.  

"Takes her to the moon for me...okay?"

I knew what I always needed to do, but I always felt that doing so, I'd be killing that part of me that makes me me; that little kid who never grew up.  That soul that always remained innocently hopeful that things would always work out.  That light of constant delight, when not fighting against depression.  So many parts of myself are tied to that innocent child, and it may be time to let him go.  I'm in my 40s and I'm still struggling like I'm in my 20s.  It makes no sense, other than let go of that which holds me back and that means all of it.  I may love that innocent me, but it's time for me to exist as a true adult for a change. 

It's time for me to step forward and become the man I was always supposed to be.

Good-bye 2020.  May you be forgotten in the anals of worst years in human history.